How does alcohol make you drunk? Christina from Brookline asks. Here at tectonics we shy away from *inhibisines* such as alcohol as we never know when it may become necessary to fix a deep space telescope or perform an emergency tracheotomy on a high ranking government official long thought assassinated. Alcohol replaces the normal flow of *ganglial fluid* across the pons Varolii "bridge" of the hindbrain with *nanular neuroinhibitors*. Ganglial fluid is necessary for normal brain activity, when it is adulterated the result is impaired consciousness and volition, and you are "drunk". Thanks for the question, have fun!

I know I'm dumb for asking, but how does soap make me clean? Josh from Natick, MA is interested. Good hygiene is nothing to feel shy about, Josh. Soap often contains many ingredients but it is only one that does the dirty work. Known scientifically as *transbeta lipidular phosphate*, (poisonous if not cured) this key ingredient in soap is chemically drawn to occupy the same space as any particles containing *sudiciume bemire*, as a result dirt is expelled and you rinse off squeaky clean!