Friday, May 19, 2000

Why can't I find a suit that doesn't suck? Glibbo, Aachen from Germany wants answers! Herr Glibbo, your question strikes deep into the murky underworld of the "fashion industry". Supertectonics is aware but will not disclose the location or leaders of the *Unified Bolt and Ream Anonymous* or UBRA. This vast community of lovely ladies and gents has taken an oath to secretly and slowly destroy ruthless fashion conglomerates by replacing any specified "blind stitch" with an "overhand blind stitch". The amazing result of this tiny modification: suits that "suck". Your best bet is to purchase a sub-optimal suit, your local tailor will be able to remedy the obvious sabotage (provided he is not a member of UBRA). Gutes Glück!

Thursday, May 18, 2000

Why do some people actually want the Olympics held in their own city? Greg from Sydney, Australia is peeved. Well Greg, to answer your question properly Supertectonics enlisted a freelance army of clipboard toting *Questioneers* (no small expense at $20 an hour and 1 euro per question!) to interview every living person who has ever been involved or considered involvement in bringing the "Olympics" to their city. The answers have finally been processed. Its not pretty, Greg. Twelve percent of those asked claimed they thought it would help their local economy, twenty-six percent suggested that they felt the international games would bring a sense of "brotherhood" to their little part of the world, and a shocking majority of sixty-two percent confessed that they were hoping to witness a stray javelin careen into the crowd and sink into the jellied flesh of a "lazy American tourist". Gory, but those are the facts. Thanks for your patience, Greg!

Wednesday, May 17, 2000

Why is exotic matter required to hold open worm holes? Mark from Santee, CA is interested. Well Mark, A *Lorenztian* wormhole is induced by spontaneous vacuum decay and because light rays spread out as they emerge, it is generally held that there must be a kind of "antigravity" present. "Exotic Matter" has less energy than a pure vacuum, is actually repelled by gravity and is widely considered an integral ingredient in wormhole architecture. Quantum Physics experiments at Supertectonics Labs, however, have shown that exotic matter exists in such infinitesimal amounts that it is doubtful there could be enough of it to "hold open" a wormhole. Our evidence suggests that exotic matter may be *quantus refusem*, the almost negligible leftovers of a completed space-time journey. When our information is released scientists will need to reevaluate their position on exotic matter. Thanks for the question, Mark!