It has recently come to the attention of interns right here at Supertectonics Labs that Dr. Stiles Rambaux, rogue dissident and mastermind behind the 1988 "Bucky Balls Are Dangerous" campaign in Eastern Europe has been in communication with CIA agents secretly posing as employees of the Coca-Cola Corporation. Our affiliation with Dr. Rambaux is still somewhat strained and his exact whereabouts remain undisclosed, but we believe our new contacts may help to expose Coca-Cola’s destructive military machinations that have thus far proceeded unchecked. We shall publish more information on this matter once it has been declassified. Rest assured.

Aerial photographs recently developed here at the Lab illustrate what Dr. Finnius Tate, Chairman of the Mississippi Aquatic Observatory (M.A.O) and special consultant to Supertectonics, has been saying for years. Particularly giant leviathans are herding deep within the marine canyons of the Northernmost sector of the Gulf of Mexico. Caution is advised to any and all staff planning to use our submarine entrance over the next few weeks while the Continental Shelf Special Attachment finishes a routine Catastrophe Sweep. General public need not worry, the creatures are far too deep to be of concern or conflict with your usual goings on.

We've received a few inquiries about a former consultant. Francis Leonard first came up with the concept of the "smart pickle" in 1966. His motivation was onefold: to grow a pickle that knows it is going to be eaten. Early experiments were considered morally illegal but the name "smart pickle" survives today. Smart pickles are a productive, early-maturing classic standard pickle variety tolerant to a number of cucumber diseases including "green mosaic" and "bumpy mildew." Francis Leonard lives in Scotland with his ex wife, he no longer has an affiliation with Supertectonics Labs.

How can I make a robot with clips? Everardo from Mexico City is feeling crafty. Everardo, building a device capable of performing a variety of often complex tasks on command or by being programmed in advance from "clips" simply involves separating the metallic constituents of said "clips" in such a way as to preserve the alloys inherent within that can be further smelted and reduced to *nanoscopic polyforms.* Having harvested only the fittest polyforms you will need a highly refractive crystalline form of carbon with which to etch what Alfred Renn first dubbed *thirsty grooves.* Thirsty Grooves retain sonic instruction from a standard Lunmann Speaker. Caution, however, is recommended whenever taking on the role of Creator in an operation such as this. It is also keen to note that the word "robot," from Slavonic, "rabata" translates as "servitude," or "slave." Keep that in mind when you first deem to transform aforementioned "clips." Carry on Everardo.

Are there really such things as monsters under my bed? Pinkus Zuckerman from Berlin, MA is still concerned. Without disturbing you too much, Pinkus, the answer is yes. Mythical, legendary creatures, such as *Centaurs* or *Harpies*-- beasts that combine parts from various animal or human forms to take on their own -- live under your bed. Also in your closet, and if you leave your antique secretary’s desk closed at night, probably in there too. Fret not Pinkus, you are not in danger. 98% of all Monster attacks occur when the victim has misconcluded that the existence of said "monsters" is fictitious. Monsters have a genetically inherent desire to prove themselves to those who doubt them and protect those who believe them to be the savage and ruthless denizens of the dark that they are. Sleep tight, Pinkus!

Will I have my 40th birthday on Mars? Philip Negoshian is spaced out. Phil, you may know that NASA has landed various light crafts on the red planet. What most people don't know, however, is that those crafts were phase one of the highly secretive *Analog Seed Program*. Tiny, insect-like robots made from paper clips and parts found in "VCR"'s and "Walkmen" emerged from the rover exactly ten days after acceptable termination of *Media Gorge*. Two types of critters are now frolicking in the dust, "builders" and "harvesters". Builders have one collective goal: pile sand. Harvesters have a similarly singular goal: gather sand. All are solar powered. This may seem unimportant, Phil, but what they are working on will ultimately be the key to you enjoying a "Marsarita" on July 18th, 2017.

What's a good excuse not to eat my lima beans? Tim from Wakefield, MA would rather eat broken glass. Tim, the small, flat edible seeds of the bush bean plant known as the *Phaseolus lunatus* can be very nutritious. However, the staff at Supertectonics understands your plight. Organic electricity, that which is developed in organic structures, either animal or vegetable, should serve as a viable excuse. Simply relay to the person or persons who serve you the food in question, the sad case of Luther Fancy, the only known human to have been electrocuted by chewing "lima beans". Incidentally, this excuse should serve nicely for any unwanted food. Enjoy your meal, Tim!

Why are we here? Dan from Salt Lake has been bitten by the "existential water beetle". Dan, your question comes at an appropriate time, as former Supertectonics consultant, Dr. Stiles Rambeux, who now resides within a geodesic dome high above the canopy of a remote old growth rainforest in Uppermost Brazil, has finally gotten his email working long enough to send us his most recent work, "Why Are We Here? A Manifesto on the Meaninglessness of Everything". Dr. Rambeux's work takes us deep into his convoluted theories on *Involuntary Evil* and even touches upon the question raised by Ross of Dublin, Ireland "Are we here?" but his thesis, ultimately, is very succinct. Here is an excerpt from page 918, "If one accepts that they are, in fact, not merely a faint, magnetic spacial refraction and that indeed, as a corporeal being they do, in fact, 'exist', then I relay this advice: do not assume that you are anything more than biological happenstance; in so doing, you will be able, at the very least, to know that your existence, although purposeless, is true." Although Stiles' lack of fresh water is threatening, Dan, we believe he is still one of the best!

How does MCI know when I am eating dinner? Gary Trudeaux from Brooklyn, doesn't like being disturbed. Unfortunately, Gary, despite our *Invention Protection Grid*, innovations from Supertectonics' labs have been known to float downstream into the greedy clutches of corporate tech giants. A tiny mechanism we developed, the *Cumulative Data Absorption Device* (CDAD) was originally intended for use in the field of Artificial Intelligence. The CDAD is an off site *Information Filtration Hub* that collects unique data on individuals, over time, from an array of devices and transactions including, but not limited to, mail, appliances, phone calls, purchases, marriages, paystubs, restaurants, email, ATM's, televisions, -- the list continues ad infinitum. The data collected from year to year is "stored" in a *Dynamic Loop* so it is never actually "there". By such means, it cannot be proven to exist and no one can be held accountable for it. The AI program called "HAZEL" can answer any question with 96% accuracy. Sorry Gary, if it's any consolation, MCI is on our list.

Which is the exact location of the moon in respects to geographical (GPS) positioning or any other astronomical method? Is Maria Gabriela planning a trip? Maria, The U.S. Department of Defense's Global Positioning System is a constellation of 24 satellites orbiting the earth at a very high altitude. Although the system is impressive and can be quite accurate, it is limited to tracking receivers on Earth and its low orbits. To get a precise *celestial fix* on our moon you'll need access to a *Lunar Cartesian Device*. This gadget, first conceived by a nervous US government in the late 1940s is unique because of it's breakthrough approach in the field of *Geodetic Topography* as well as its ability to account for *Hennlar Shift* in low frequency spectrums. Recently, *Ionospheric Refraction* due to robust solar activity caused some moderate mayhem. A *Kaufmann Filter* developed by supertectonics labs put it right, the exact location is *78+00+.06+Li*. Glad to help!

What is Euclid's fourth postulate of Parallels? Martin, from Australia logs a request for some axiomatic-deductive reasoning. Martin, Attempts to derive the parallel postulate from the others, thereby transforming it into a theorem, involves replacing it with its two alternatives--that there is no such line or that there are more than one--and then showing that contradictions ensue. However, you will find that no contradictions result from either substitution. The unavoidable outcome is, instead, the realization that there are other geometries just as valid and consistent as Euclidean geometry, for example the ancient Aztec deductive masterwork of the *Quetzel* group. Martin, it is important to remember that mathematical systems are not merely natural phenomena waiting to be discovered; instead, mathematicians create such systems by selecting consistent axioms and postulates and studying the theorems that can be derived from them. Keep up the good work!

Do you walk to school or carry your lunch? A fan known only as "BPC" from Montpelier, VT strives to waylay the Supertectonics staff with his chicane question. BPC, thank you! Our seemingly useless statistics on *group elementary transport* in the American school system can finally be put to good use. Our studies suggest that kids who are driven or ride the bus to school are likely to carry their lunch (3,016 of 4,123 interviewed) while those who walk are inclined to "wing it", (1,107 of 4,123) acquiring a meal by whatever means they deem necessary at lunchtime. Without getting too personal BPC, I walked to school and continue to walk as the rest of my existence unfolds. Thanks for the interest!

What is the question to the answer 42? Bill, from New York is numerologically frisky. Well Bill, some believe that the query sated by the number 42 refers to "The Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything", fictitious hyperintelligent pandimensional characters *Loonquawl* and *Phouchg* included. However, 7.5 million years of consideration is wasted if you do not realize that 42 is not the correct answer. As a matter of fact, the very idea of an "Ultimate Question" is only a ruse to misguide and confusticate the *intellectually proud*. The enigmatic response, "42" is an illusory "answer" to a seemingly "deep thought" that will only lead you down a dark, academian path. Enjoy your weekend Bill, thanks for the contribution!

What does this do? Mike, from his lofty nest on the 33rd floor, is vaguely interested in Supertectonics. Mike, superfluous comments on the nature of technology aside, our *Active Esponse System* (AES) is simple yet four-natured. First, your "question" is hypertransmitted through our standard six code *semi-encryptor*. Second, our staff of trained "beings" decodes the transmission and it is forwarded to the third step. Our patented "Third Step" cannot be disclosed at this time. Last but not least, your entry is considered, mulled over, and responded to in due time. Our sometimes dangerous and highly covert government related "rescues" have been known, unfortunately, to conflict with the speedy fulfillment of your probing inquiries. Thank you for your interest, Mike, and please take note of elevator 2's inspection date.

Why does my girlfriend always tell me what to do? Gil from Arizona is vexed. Gil, the East Tibetan Methodist Dahli Llama selection process is based on a *trans-hierarchal* foundation that enlists the expertise of *sensocalibrated* spiritual councilors that are biochemically suited to lead. In much the same way, science has discovered that certain B type human female pheromones have chemical compositions that are molecularly *syncromatched* to seemingly random male chromosomes. Gil, it may seem as if she is bossing you around, but the reality is that she has been biochemically chosen to ensure that your potential as the rightful usurper of the Pangean Recoordination Empire is realized. May your existence be whole.

Matt Flanagan's seemingly sempiternal stream of questions provided some weekend fun for our interns. 1.) If Jesus and Superman had a boxing match, who would win and why? Superman would win due to Jesus' "Other Cheek" policy. 2.) Does God ever get confused? When God gets confused, he has Supertectonics at his disposal. 3.) If you die in real life do you die in your dream? Your dream continues without you. 4.) How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck had leukemia? Woodchucks do not chuck wood. 5.) What are the five most reliable ways to prevent tooth decay? All five: *Nanodental Symbiosis*. 6.) Can one really dig to China by borrowing through the center of the Earth? Yes, and when you finish, China will be under Tibetan rule. 7.) What causes wrinkles? *Gravidermal Decay*. 8.) How far is too far? Too far is infinite. 9.) I've been told that in certain parts of Texas, if you sexually assault someone underneath a mistletoe, it's not illegal. Can you confirm? Confirmed, but still wrong, Matt.

Matt Flanagan kept them busy. Here's the back nine. 10.) If I travel back in time and impregnate my own Mom, will I be born retarded? Van der Wane's principle hypothesizes yes, perhaps you have empirical information? 11.) Is it possible to mail myself somewhere via the United States Postal Service? Yes, but you risk sterility in Ohio. 12.) If I were to go back in time and prevent the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, what would the country be like now? Like Europe but fatter. 13.) What was Jesus's favorite food? Guacamole. 14.) Qui est le plus fort homme dans les etas-unis? L'homme le plus fort aux Etats-Unis est "Chief Big Rock" de Colorado 15.) My Dad's a pretty big guy, do you think he could be a wrestler? All of us here at Supertectonics think your dad could be a wrestler. 16.) I think there's a little man who lives in my fridge, but he runs away when I open the door. Is there any way I can trick him into revealing himself? Do not attempt "trick" the *freon elf*, you will only get hurt. 17.) Can I subsist off my own sweat? If you drink a lot of water, and maintain a healthy diet, yes. 18.) If all the countries of the world were to ban together and fire all their nuclear weapons directly at the moon, what would happen? Supertectonics' *Lunar Defense Mesh* would redirect them into the sun. Thanks Matt!

Will I ever get a life? Phil Whelan is existentially piqued. Phil, the property or quality that distinguishes living organisms from dead organisms and inanimate matter is manifested in functions such as metabolism, growth, reproduction, and response to stimuli. The very fact that you eat and have visited supertectonics.com suggests the presence of *stimu-sponse*. Perhaps you are referring to the "reproduction" aforementioned or some other facet of "life". What you fail to realize, Commander Whelan, is that the dimensional reality you are currently existing in is a package deal - freedom from *HIVE-9* in exchange for your memory of the *6 Unstable Portals* and your previous existence. We are not supposed to divulge this information, exercise caution.

Why do birds suddenly appear every time that you are near? Well, "Anonymous", your obvious background in military language intelligence is impressive. Your question's *phrasonics*, as you well know, are a blend of seventh and ninth generation *enigma-8* coded messaging. It took us a while because the techniques are outdated but we decoded the "question"... Although the *United Space Launch Dock* has recently been semi-declassified, we are still unable to release the whereabouts of the probes you cleverly asked about because they are still ranked "Mission Critical". You can expect us to contact you soon about a few details. Thanks for you interest in Supertectonics, John.

Why can't I find a suit that doesn't suck? Glibbo, Aachen from Germany wants answers! Herr Glibbo, your question strikes deep into the murky underworld of the "fashion industry". Supertectonics is aware but will not disclose the location or leaders of the *Unified Bolt and Ream Anonymous* or UBRA. This vast community of lovely ladies and gents has taken an oath to secretly and slowly destroy ruthless fashion conglomerates by replacing any specified "blind stitch" with an "overhand blind stitch". The amazing result of this tiny modification: suits that "suck". Your best bet is to purchase a sub-optimal suit, your local tailor will be able to remedy the obvious sabotage (provided he is not a member of UBRA). Gutes Glück!